All items are listed below, in order of start time

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Friday

Ops Open

Ops : 8am - 5pm (9.0 hours)

Registration & Quilt Signing

Upper Broadway : 9am - 5pm (8.0 hours)

Your first call in all things Discworld Convention - your membership packs! Get yours while it's still mildly warm! While you're there why not make your mark on the anniversary quilt and have your name up there with the stars.

Tech Team Briefing

The Cavern Club : noon - 1pm (1.0 hour)

Many hands make lights work. Also cameras, sound, video, the stage...

As has been said many times - the Festival runs on volunteers, and not just for the heating. Some of those volunteers sit, stand, roll and crawl behind the scenes, helping create the magic via their technical witchery.

If that sounds like fun, come along to the briefing and you too can help out during the Festival.
No experience necessary, training is provided.

Klatch: Rob Wilkins

Klatch : noon - 1pm (1.0 hour)

A Kaffee Klatch is an event where a small group of festival goers can share coffee, tea and biscuits with one of the special guests. These events are very popular, so entry is by lottery. Application and explanation are available at Registration or, after Registration is closed, Ops

Chaos Costuming Opens

Chaos Costuming : noon - 5pm (5.0 hours)

If you want your Band to make an impact (no Trolls necessary) [1]
If you want to tweak/finish your Gala Dinner outfit [1]
If your hall costume or soft toys outfit needs that something extra [1]
If you have a question/problem/answer to anything else [2

[1] Come to Chaos Costuming
[2] Go to OPS

Introduction to The Bands

Hide Park : 1pm - 2.30pm (1.5 hours)

Ankh-Morpork is a melting-pot of cultures and races exchanging ideas and traditions and habits; and it is at a casually pan-cultural jamboree that the bands start out on their journey to immortality.
This is where the legends are born. This is where the magic takes hold.
This is where you choose.

Back to the Drawing Board (kids)

Sto Lat : 1pm - 2pm (1.0 hour)

This is your chance to pick up a pencil (or other drawing implement of choice) and have a go at creating cartoon portraits of the most famous band on the Disc! A hands-on, step by step, basic drawing and cartooning workshop, specifically aimed at our younger ones, with artist Cheryl van Burgh.
Sense of humour helpful, no experience necessary! Be there or be a regular hexahedron!

Der Troll’s Guide For Der Confused

L-space I : 1pm - 2pm (1.0 hour)

Attenshun! You look like you need sum guidance to dis Convention an I am da troll what is going to give it to you!

Everyone has a first Discworld Convention; and things may initially seem bizarre to you (quack!). You may well have questions. There will also be things to learn that will help you get the most out of the Convention (where Ops is and why you need to go there!). That’s where the Troll’s Guide comes in.

Klatch: Stephen Briggs

Klatch : 1pm - 2pm (1.0 hour)

Gopher Briefing

Sto Lat : 2pm - 2.30pm (0.5 hour)

Whether you are a seasoned pro at ""Gophering"", a beginner, or you are just curious to the kind of duties Asphalt might be doing outside of his stage-work, why not come along to the no-obligation Gopher Briefing to meet the head Volunteers, find out what it’s all about, how we are doing things this time and also possibly what’s in it for you!

Introduction to Iconography

L-space I : 2pm - 3pm (1.0 hour)

So you’ve come to the festival hoping to see some famous faces? You’ll be wanting to take lots of iconographs back with you to prove that you were there when the band played and the crowds went wild. Whether you have an iconograph on your portable clacks or one with interchangeable imps and salamanders, come and learn how to get the best from your iconograph this weekend.

Sator Square Open – All Hail The Merch

Sator Square : 2pm - 5pm (3.0 hours)

You know you want it. That (slightly badgered) first edition paperback of Diggers. The evil chocolate. The Discworld jewelry. The super-snazzy Convention t-shirt.
Well, here’s where you can get it – and you don’t have to be as rich as Creosote!
Form an orderly queue, browse the many wonders on display and buy anything that takes your fancy.
(Within reason – the Dealers themselves are Not For Sale.)

Watch Briefing

Sto Lat : 2.30pm - 3pm (0.5 hour)

Ankh-Morpork has a Watch. Like any well organised festival we will also have our very own Watch, although we consider them to be more like Stewards. Our Watch consists of volunteering Festival Goers. You too can volunteer, in this rather more specialised gopher function. Visit this briefing to learn how.

Werewolf Briefing

L-space II : 2.30pm - 3pm (0.5 hour)

For a long time, the game of Werewolf has been a favourite at Discworld events. Last time, we went one better, with Mega-Werewolf - involving over a hundred players spread over several villages.

The thing is, Werewolf on this scale requires several people working together to run the game. So if you'd like to help run the fun, come to the briefing.

Mega Werewolf

Hide Park : 3pm - 4.30pm (1.5 hours)

What is Mega-Werewolf? Well, apart from being one of the coolest names for a band never to have had, it is also title of the multi-multi-player version of Werewolf we run at the Convention. In a normal game of Werewolf one village finds itself with a bit of a werewolf problem but in Mega-Werewolf we have not one, not two, not even many, but lots of villages all being hounded (see what we did there?) by werewolves. *If you've played Werewolf before, you will certainly enjoy this version where innocent villagers and werewolves can also be evicted from their home village and go to join a new village for safety or snacks. Each village battles the werewolves until we end up with just one village standing, then we see once and for all which species is the fittest.
* Be a part of the biggest game of Werewolf you'll find at the Convention.... how long will you last?

First Aid Briefing

Sto Lat : 3pm - 3.30pm (0.5 hour)

Are you a qualified First Aider who's willing to give a bit of help and support to fellow con attendees? If so please come to this session, with a copy of your first aid certificate, and we'll let you know how it works! Please note: You do need to have a first aid qualification to be an official DW Convention First Aider.

Bernard reads 'Where is my cow'

L-space I : 4pm - 4.30pm (0.5 hour)

Come on in, you wonderful people!
Grab a seat and some suitable refreshments as everybody's favorite uncle treats you to a very special recital of 'The Hedgehog Can...
No, wait, that's not it...
'Where's my Cow'.
That's it. Yes. No prickles anywhere.
(Though, Bernard being Bernard, pretty much anything might happen - and whatever does happen is going to be entertaining.)

Auction Items Drop Off

Back Ops : 4pm - 4.30pm (0.5 hour)

For pre-arranged drop-off of Auction items only!
Items that were not pre-registered cannot be accepted into our Auction.

Opening Ceremony

The Cavern Club : 5pm - 6pm (1.0 hour)

HELLO ANKH-MORPORK! Welcome to the official launch of the Festival featuring special guest
Rob Wilkins and the first ever tour date of our Chair Eelco Giele.
Bee There or Bee a Rectangular Thyng.

Ops Open

Ops : 6pm - midnight (6.0 hours)

Terry Pratchett: A Memorial

The Cavern Club : 7pm - 8.30pm (1.5 hours)

Terry's Memorial needs little introduction. Held in April 2016 to a packed auditorium of Terry's family, friends and as many randomly selected fans and readers as possible at the Barbican Theatre in London,
Sir Terry Pratchett was remembered in an uplifting, triumphant celebration of his life. The event was hosted by Rob Wilkins, and featured guest speakers Rhianna Pratchett, Larry Finlay, Sir Tony Robinson, Neil Gaiman, Bernard Pearson, Pat Harkin, Anne Hoppe, Jennifer Brehl, Philippa Dickinson and Maddy Prior, with music provided by the Epiphoni Consort and Steeleye Span. Each speaker brought their own memories of Terry to life, and Rob gamely led the tributes with his usual easy manner, energy and eternal enthusiasm. The audience were treated to previously unseen snippets of future projects and, for those unable to attend on the night, this is your chance to see the highlights of the event. This feature will be introduced by Rob and the film, which has not been shown in public, and will not be available online, is a real treat for convention attendees.

Bedtime Stories – Dress code: Pyjamas!

The Cavern Club : 9pm - 10pm (1.0 hour)

The Bedtime Stories have always been a firm favourite for many at the Discworld Convention; a chance to hear the latest thing Terry was working on, or something never published, or anecdotes from the road.
The stories will continue this year, thanks to Rob Wilkins.

Bring your nightwear, bring your teddy bears – you won’t want to miss this!.

Skunk Club Burlesque

Sto Lat : 10pm - 11pm (1.0 hour)

According to Miss Dixy Va Va Voom, Music With Rocks In and dancing go together like Ankh and Morpork. Discover the secrets of the Skunk Club and try strutting your stuff in this 'no strip, all tease' dance.
Please note this event is suitable for those over the age of 16 only.

The Ancient And Illustrious Order Of Old Bar Stewards Of Old Ankh-Morpork

L-space I : 10pm - 11pm (1.0 hour)

This will be the Second Roundworld meeting of The Ancient And Illustrious Order Of Old Bar Stewards Of Old Ankh-Morpork (Open to all Species and genders).
This is *your* opportunity to become a member of the lodge and contribute to charity .
During the meeting you will go through the ancient and mysterious ceremony of induction and become to proud owner of an exclusive certificate of membership and a copy of the ritual book to take way with you .
During the meeting you will be called upon to contribute to charity (RICE). Paper money please.

Once More with Feeling

L-space II : 10pm - 11pm (1.0 hour)

At a Convention past, a certain musical episode of a certain television programme had a singalong for charity. This is now an ancient and hallowed[1] tradition
So come and join us and sing along with demons and vampires [2].
1. i.e. we've done it more than once
2. Stakes and holy items are to be left at the door to protect the singers that are differently alive

Karaoke Night

Upper Broadway : 10pm - midnight (2.0 hours)

"Can you sing? Good!
Have you a drink? Even better!
It's Friday's Karaoke extravaganza, so stand up, perform, and sing your little hearts out.
Running the show is Dickie, who has done this professionally; so you can be sure you're in a safe pair of hands.
Disclaimer: we accept no responsibilities for lost voices on Saturday, hangovers or mental scarring."

Just A Minute - After Dark Edition

L-space I : midnight - 1am (1.0 hour)

So you can talk for a minute without repetition or hesitation. That don't impress us much. But with the watershed long past, there might be a bit more scope for... deviation. Come along for hopefully hilarious chatter - but maybe put the kids to bed first.


Saturday

Maskerade: Tech Rehearsal

The Cavern Club : 8am - noon (4.0 hours)

All those performing on the Ankh-Morpork Introducing stage in the ‘Maskerade’ item must attend the tech rehearsal. This is to make sure every aspect of your performance will go exactly as planned, and to find out essential information about the evening’s entertainment.
Time slots can be booked at the Maskerade table at Registration on Friday and only those who have a rehearsal time slot will be allowed to perform.

Ops Open

Ops : 8am - 10pm (14.0 hours)

Troll Bridge: Music and Visual Effects

Hide Park : 9am - 10am (1.0 hour)

Come and watch Daniel Knight (director) and Christian Bloch (Visual Effects Supervisor) pull a part the working innards of TROLL BRIDGE ‘fore your very eyes! Then watch them try to put it back together again whilst simultaneously searching for missing bits down the back of the couch. A lecture on independent post-production, for the most complicated and longest gestating short film ever attempted. With music.

Der Troll’s Guide For Der Confused

Sto Lat : 9am - 10am (1.0 hour)

Attenshun! You look like you need sum guidance to dis Convention an I am da troll what is going to give it to you!

Everyone has a first Discworld Convention; and things may initially seem bizarre to you (quack!). You may well have questions. There will also be things to learn that will help you get the most out of the Convention (where Ops is and why you need to go there!). That’s where the Troll’s Guide comes in.

Mark Watches.... Soul Music

L-space I : 9am - 10am (1.0 hour)

Mark Oshiro is an expert in not being an expert. For his Mark Reads Discworld project, he is reading all of Discworld in order making every effort to know nothing about what’s coming up ahead (he’s currently just finished Feet of Clay). In this session he will watch the Cosgrove Hall 'Soul Music' for the very first time, commenting for your entertainment.

Go Fence: Kids

L-space II : 9am - 10am (1.0 hour)

Experience the grande olde arte of self defense with pointe sticks.
Prod people you don't like!
Prod people you do like!
CMOT Dibbler's School of Making a Quick Buck invites you to learn the noble and mystical art of prodding for a limited time only!
All equipment provided, prodding guaranteed!

Suitable for ages five to twelve

Registration & Quilt Signing

Upper Broadway : 9am - 5pm (8.0 hours)

Klatch: Stephen Briggs

Klatch : 9am - 10am (1.0 hour)

Sator Square Open - Blue dots

Sator Square : 9am - 10am (1.0 hour)

During this hour, Sator Square is opened for the exclusive use by those wielding a blue dot, to give them just that little bit of extra space the dealers need to seduce them with their wares.

Chaos Costuming

Chaos Costuming : 9am - 2pm (5.0 hours)

First Band Practice: Metallurgica

Hide Park : 10am - 11am (1.0 hour)

You’ve taken the plunge and are now well and truly on the bandwagon.
What does the future hold for your motley crew? There’s only one way to find out, and that’s to meet them! It’s Saturday, it’s 10 a.m. and the road is calling.
Will it be a Pathway to Paradise - or a Highway to Djel?

First Band Practice: Catatonic

Sto Lat : 10am - 11am (1.0 hour)

You’ve taken the plunge and are now well and truly on the bandwagon.
What does the future hold for your motley crew? There’s only one way to find out, and that’s to meet them! It’s Saturday, it’s 10 a.m. and the road is calling.
Will it be a Pathway to Paradise - or a Highway to Djel?

The Art of the Graphic Novel

L-space I : 10am - 11am (1.0 hour)

Ray Friesen discusses why he thinks graphic novels are such an exciting medium, answers any of your questions about being a professional cartoonist, helps you design and draw your own characters and comics, and even draws a few Discworld characters right before your eyes!

First Band Practice: The Crash

L-space II : 10am - 11am (1.0 hour)

You’ve taken the plunge and are now well and truly on the bandwagon.
What does the future hold for your motley crew? There’s only one way to find out, and that’s to meet them! It’s Saturday, it’s 10 a.m. and the road is calling.
Will it be a Pathway to Paradise - or a Highway to Djel?

First Band Practice: The Guild Of Funk And The JBs

Quirm : 10am - 11am (1.0 hour)

You’ve taken the plunge and are now well and truly on the bandwagon.
What does the future hold for your motley crew? There’s only one way to find out, and that’s to meet them! It’s Saturday, it’s 10 a.m. and the road is calling.
Will it be a Pathway to Paradise - or a Highway to Djel?

First Band Practice: Ymuno!

Klatch : 10am - 11am (1.0 hour)

You’ve taken the plunge and are now well and truly on the bandwagon.
What does the future hold for your motley crew? There’s only one way to find out, and that’s to meet them! It’s Saturday, it’s 10 a.m. and the road is calling.
Will it be a Pathway to Paradise - or a Highway to Djel?

Sator Square

Sator Square : 10am - 2pm (4.0 hours)

The Terry Pratchett I knew....

Hide Park : 11am - noon (1.0 hour)

....by 'the man that bought the drinks',
The Cunning Artificer, Bernard Pearson himself, talks about his memories of Terry.
“I bought the drinks.
The one time he tried to do so he had only US dollars in his wallet and a fifty pound note. It was not the sort of pub you would proffer a fifty pound note and they didn't believe in 'forn currency' so I paid.
And dear reader, I would give my eye teeth and entire pipe collection just to hear that voice in my ear 'mine's a brandy Bernard and make it a BIG one'

Watch Briefing

Sto Lat : 11am - 11.30am (0.5 hour)

Ankh-Morpork has a Watch. Like any well organised festival we will also have our very own Watch, although we consider them to be more like Stewards. Our Watch consists of volunteering Festival Goers. You too can volunteer, in this rather more specialised gopher function. Visit this briefing to learn how.

The Orangutan Foundation

L-space I : 11am - noon (1.0 hour)

The Orangutan Foundation is one of the charities that is supported by the Music-with-Rocks-In festival. At this lecture, they will explain what they do to improve the lives of the Librarian’s cousins.

The Great Hedgehog Race: The Challenge

L-space II : 11am - noon (1.0 hour)

Are you a problem solver? An engineer? Or just like playing with cardboard and sticky back plastic? Join a team and compete across the Convention in the Great Hedgehog Race!

So what is this year's Hedgehog Challenge all about...?
Le’ go of all preconceptions and consider the simple fact…
“…I'm gonna hit the highway like a battering ram
On a silver black phantom bike.
When the metal is hot and the engine is hungry,
And we're all about to see the light….”

Free Souvenir Iconograph

Upper Broadway : 11am - 1pm (2.0 hours)

As a memento of your visit to the festival, and through the wizardry of the green screen, you can have your very own souvenir iconograph. Make your friends jealous when they see you posing with The Band With Rocks In! Your iconograph will be available as a free download at www.pmdwcon.weebly.com shortly after the convention.

Klatch: Rob Wilkins

Klatch : 11am - noon (1.0 hour)

Gopher Briefing

Sto Lat : 11.30am - noon (0.5 hour)

Mark reads.... Theater of Cruelty

The Cavern Club : noon - 1pm (1.0 hour)

Mark Oshiro is an expert in not being an expert. For his Mark Reads Discworld project, he is reading all of Discworld in order making every effort to know nothing about what’s coming up ahead (he’s currently just finished Feet of Clay). In this session he will read the short story Theatre of Cruelty for the very first time, aloud and for your entertainment.

Collaborative Writing

Hide Park : noon - 1pm (1.0 hour)

"The author's life is a solitary one - except when it isn't.
How do authors collaborate? What drives a writing partnership or group - and what can tear them apart?

Join Elias and the panel as they discuss their respective experiences in collaborative creation; the highlights, the lowdown and the big finish."

Dance the Dark Morris

Sto Lat : noon - 1pm (1.0 hour)

It is said by some that morris dancing is an ancient magical rite for the promotion of life, for the changing of the seasons, for the Balance of things. It is also said that it's a good way of getting free food and beer. Come and try the Roundworld version and judge for yourself. Beer can’t be guaranteed, and there will be no buckets, but there will be sticks and a lot of fun.

Gothic transtextuality in Discworld

L-space I : noon - 1pm (1.0 hour)

Transtextuality is a term for the relationship between a text and the texts that have gone before it: the roundworld equivalent of narrativium; the way that each new story works in tension with old stories, seeking to break out of the pattern.
This presentation will explore ways in which Discworld is influenced by stories of the gothic and how it defies conventions. It will also ask "so what is the punchline to the running gag in Soul Music?"

First Aid Briefing

L-space II : noon - 12.30pm (0.5 hour)

Klatch: Colin Smythe

Klatch : noon - 1pm (1.0 hour)

Bad Vibes or Good Vibrations

Hide Park : 1pm - 2pm (1.0 hour)

What makes someone smile or frown? This event, which may or may not run a bit like the familiar Room 101 show, sees a panel of Guests and fans join Dr Hix to discuss what they feel gives them a bad vibe or a good vibration. We'll then ask the audience if they agree with that choice and explanation. But nothing is ever that simple...

Go Fence

Sto Lat : 1pm - 2pm (1.0 hour)

If you missed the previous session, or liked it so much you want more!
Experience the grande olde arte of self defense with pointe sticks.
Prod people you don't like!
Prod people you do like!
CMOT Dibbler's School of Making a Quick Buck invites you to learn the noble and mystical art of prodding for a limited time only!
All equipment provided, prodding guaranteed!

Suitable for ages twelve and up.

This One Time, When I Was Drunk...

L-space I : 1pm - 2pm (1.0 hour)

The band are doing a tour somewhere in the more boring bits of the Sto Plains. They have also been partying. So hard, in fact, that there is no way that they're capable of playing the spoons, let alone their instruments. This is a problem, given the keen audience wanting to hear the gig of a lifetime from their idols.
You’re the Crew - what are you going to do about it?

Roll the dice, and then what!?

L-space II : 1pm - 2pm (1.0 hour)

Are you interested in (board)game development and wonder how these come into existence? Or are you an avid player, who has always wondered about the use of common rule X (that you wish everyone would just ignore)? Then join David Brashaw from Backspindle Games and find out what to do if the dice is rolling in the deep....

Auction Items Drop Off

Back Ops : 1pm - 1.30pm (0.5 hour)

For pre-arranged drop-off of Auction items only!
Items that were not pre-registered cannot be accepted into our Auction.

Stephen Briggs talking to Rob Wilkins

The Cavern Club : 2pm - 4pm (2.0 hours)

Join us to hear an interview with Rob Wilkins, friend and business manager of Sir Terry Pratchett, and co-founder and co-director of Narrativia. Expect some unique insights, and perhaps some surprises!

Hear the Voice

The Cavern Club : 4pm - 5pm (1.0 hour)

The beat goes on but occasionally rocks roll downhill, and sometimes they take people we love with them. Cantores Petrenses (that's your actual Latatian for The Singers Wid Rocks In) are 10 highly experienced singers that include some maybe familiar faces. We invite you to join us on a journey through mourning, pleas for strength, acceptance and renewal in selected readings from Sir Terry and sublime choral music by Tallis (the Hatted One's favourite composer), Purcell, Schütz and other greats.

Back to the Drawing Board

Sto Lat : 4pm - 5pm (1.0 hour)

This is your chance to pick up a pencil (or other drawing implement of choice) and have a go at creating cartoon portraits of the most famous band on the Disc! A hands-on, step by step, basic drawing and cartooning workshop with artist Cheryl van Burgh. Sense of humour helpful, no experience necessary! Be there or be a regular hexahedron!

Iconograph critique

L-space I : 4pm - 5pm (1.0 hour)

To be defined by Pam.

Klatch: Ian Stewart & Jack Cohen

Klatch : 4pm - 5pm (1.0 hour)

Sator Square

Sator Square : 4pm - 7pm (3.0 hours)

Chaos Costuming

Chaos Costuming : 4pm - 7pm (3.0 hours)

So What Does Tech Do?

The Cavern Club : 5pm - 6pm (1.0 hour)

Have you ever wanted to know what that* button does?
How the clicks machines get images onto the silver screen?
Or why the people at the back have almost as many screens as the Great Man Himself?

The Cavern Club is opening up for Festival-goers to come and play with our equipment, push our buttons, twiddle our knobs and learn some of what we do and why.

It is still magic once you know how it's done.

* Yes, that one. Go on, press it.

%%%
Request from Tech - Should this reference be removed?
^^^

Music in English Folktales and Beliefs

Hide Park : 5pm - 6pm (1.0 hour)

Music in folktales is a powerful force, almost a form of magic. It is one of the main ways elves, mermaids, and river-sprites can lure people into the Otherworld, from which they rarely escape. Occasionally some lucky human can learn one of their tunes, and if so his success is assured. On the other hand, if the devil turns up to play the fiddle at your party, things will end badly.
Please join Jacqueline Simpson as she talks about Music.

Cripple Mr. Onion Workshop

Sto Lat : 5pm - 6pm (1.0 hour)

The Guild of Gamblers, Fortune Tellers and Turf Accountants cordially invite you to attend their
marvellously conceived magic lantern exposition of the ultimate game of chance and skill using a
vastly improved, nay, wholly authentic, Caroc deck. Our newly devised cards are faithful to the game
as described in The Light Fantastic and Witches Abroad and recently redefined in The Discworld
Companion: Turtle Recall.
With instruction leaflets for those who wish to cheat Death (and ask Miz Van Quirm nicely)!

How to Fit a Corset and Sewing Cheats (Alt title: Does Your Life Not Have Enough Double Entendres?)

L-space I : 5pm - 6pm (1.0 hour)

There is the classical school of tailoring for corsetry. This involves extensive research in books, years of apprenticing on ancient Singer pedal or hand crank driven sewing machines and most importantly, endless hours spent on costuming forums having Hipsters send you up the garden path of “authenticity”. Abigail Tyrrell is a classically trained tailor (didn’t have a choice really, both sides of the families are…) with years of experience in costume design for Theatre (daaahling!) and even more in experimental archaeology rediscovering methodologies from scraps of original garments. As a seamstress, she has seen and done it all. For the next 50 minutes, you will be set straight on What Works and How It Works and How to Make It with Minimum Fuss. With special guest star and demonstration model, The Head of the Seamstress Guild itself…. DIANE DUANE! (Entrance requires open minds and deep pockets; these may be examined by professionals ;)

Rock Puppets

L-space II : 5pm - 6pm (1.0 hour)

Did you notice that most Bands-With-Rock-In have the same earthy colors? Did you ever wish you could restyle them so their looks are less Igneous and more Ingeneous? Then this is your chance!
Rocks and paint are provided, all you need to bring is your own Imagine."

Klatch: Daniel Knight

Klatch : 5pm - 6pm (1.0 hour)

Science of Discworld's that never were

The Cavern Club : 6pm - 7pm (1.0 hour)

Jack and Ian ransack their archives to present the Science of Discworld proposals that never quite made it. The time that the Mended Drum installed video games, with an upgrade to windows that provided something to throw the trolls out of. The wizards’ attempts to make a round world with Discworld cosmology—where do you put the elephants? The War of the Worlds style invasion of Discworld by a large square Mars supported by four giant zitidars riding a world-bearing thoat. The Discworld princess trapped in Roundworld who turned out to be a vestigial virgin. Queen Victoria’s private steampunk helicopter. Plus science chapters that were never written, such as the thermodynamics of troll brains, the role of barbarians in the construction of human culture, and taxing the rat farms..

Discworld Merchandise: Past, Present and Future

Hide Park : 6pm - 7pm (1.0 hour)

Sandra Kidby, Stephen, Briggs and Reb Voycechat about Discworld merchandising from the past, present and future. How will the impending movie deals and TV series affect the merchandising landscape? Can we expect a Terry action figure anytime soon? Come along and listen to those in the know discuss.

Screenwriting 101

L-space I : 6pm - 7pm (1.0 hour)

An informal beginner's guide to screenwriting: breaking in, staying in once there, and not losing the run
of yourself while working in a volatile and unpredictable industry.
Illustrated by numerous hortatory tales, horror stories and some low gossip, and buttressed by various online resources.

Charlie Russell talks..about his Films

Hide Park : 7pm - 8pm (1.0 hour)

Long-time Pratchett collaborator Charlie Russell, director of Terry Pratchett: Living With Alzheimer’s, Choosing To Die & Facing Extinction, talks about his films, and the 4th documentary he is currently making for the BBC, about Terry’s life and his work.

Do Re Mi

Sto Lat : 7pm - 8pm (1.0 hour)

Kids The Music Wants You!
You're never too young to enjoy music and the best way to enjoy music is to take part, so here's your chance.
Join us for a good old singalong and give your voices a chance to shine!

Signing Session Diane and Peter

L-space I : 7pm - 7.30pm (0.5 hour)

You have just heard the expert, and we hope you have enjoyed it. Wouldn't it be nice to have their signature in one of their books as well? This is your chance! After their lecture, Diane Duane and Peter Morwood will be available for a signing session.

Maskerade

The Cavern Club : 8pm - 10pm (2.0 hours)

The Ankh Morpork Introducing Stage presents the denizens of the Disc performing in this FREE festival (t-shirts AM$20, sausage inna bun AM$12) as they compete for the honour of winning the coveted Maskerade ‘Best in Show’ Trophy.

Workshop - Go fence (extra)

Sto Lat : 8pm - 9pm (1.0 hour)

Experience the grande olde arte of self defense with pointe sticks.
Prod people you don't like!
Prod people you do like!
CMOT Dibbler's School of Making a Quick Buck invites you to learn the noble and mystical art of prodding for a limited time only!
All equipment provided, prodding guaranteed!

Suitable for ages twelve and up.

Maskerade: Intermission

The Cavern Club : 10pm - 10.30pm (0.5 hour)

Whilst the judges deliberate, continue with the festival feel by joining in with a sing-along to popular karaoke classics with a Discworld twist.

Maskerade: Photo Op

Sto Lat : 10pm - 11pm (1.0 hour)

You’ve seen them perform - now it’s your chance to grab iconographs of our Maskerade stars. An opportunity for iconographers to get some great shots, and for Maskerade entrants to be painted by a variety of imps. Anyone who has a weapon held in ops, can have it returned under supervision of the watch for an iconograph during this session only. Official iconographs will be available for free download at www.pmdwcon.weebly.com shortly after the convention.

The Hedgehog Party - What did I just eat and where can I get more?

L-space I : 10pm - 2am (4.0 hours)

The Hedgehog Party is where past and present members of the Usenet group alt.fan.pratchett meet up, often bringing strange and wonderful foodstuffs and drinks from their home countries (salty liquorice vodka, anyone?). Don’t be put off if you don’t know what a Usenet is – we’re a friendly bunch and it’s always a great party. Everyone welcome, bring your own contributions!

Maskerade: Results

The Cavern Club : 10.30pm - 11.30pm (1.0 hour)

This is the moment everyone has been waiting for - the announcement of the results from the
Maskerade judging! Who is the official Next Biggest Thyng?


Sunday

Stephen Briggs live on Stage!

The Cavern Club : 9am - 10am (1.0 hour)

Or standing next to it, holding a microphone, while directing you (the Audience) to ask Questions. He might even have Answers!
Join Stephen while he talks about theatre, directing, music, life, the universe and everything!

Dancing with the Nac Mac Feegle

Sto Lat : 9am - 10am (1.0 hour)

Few have seen the notorious dancing of the Nac Mac Feegle (or at least, survived to tell the tale) but the Ankh Morpork Folk Dance and Song Society is here to teach you how to dance like a Feegle. This selection of jigs and reels will have the feets twinklin and the knees flexin' before you can say 'Crivins!'

Cosgrove Hall's Soul Music viewing: Parts 3 &4

L-space I : 9am - 10am (1.0 hour)

After watching the first two parts together with Mark (See Saturday at 09:00) you might wonder how things end. Then join us for the third and fourth episode of this animated series.

Lu Tze's Tai Chi

L-space II : 9am - 10am (1.0 hour)

Lu Tze (b. From the pen of Sir Terry, d. and still not dead), a.k.a. David Brashaw from the upper echelon of all things martial, invites ye to a introduction to the eald relaxation art of Tai Chi n[sis].

Klatch: Rob Wilkins

Klatch : 9am - 10am (1.0 hour)

Ops Open

Ops : 9am - 11pm (14.0 hours)

Sator Square

Sator Square : 9.30am - 1pm (3.5 hours)

Chaos Costuming

Chaos Costuming : 9.30am - 1pm (3.5 hours)

Church of Om

The Cavern Club : 10am - 11am (1.0 hour)

Those crazy Omnians. Everyone's rocking out around them but down at the church it's time for your regular Sunday dose of prayer, abstinence and self-flagellation (no grinning at the back there, Mrs Ogg!)... or is it? Join Brother Grin-Mysteriously-But-Knowingly-At-Passing-Sinners and friends for some uplifting spiritual meditation.

Discworld Bookclub

Hide Park : 10am - 11am (1.0 hour)

Karen Draper, Brian Nisbet, Mandy Oldroyd & Colin Smythe
The Discworld Convention Committee is a music with rocks in supergroup with ever changing members. The Discworld Bookclub features three retired band members talking about their favourite books and what those stories mean to them. The club's stories will be enhanced by enlightening facts from Colin Smythe and a smattering of DWCon anecdotes.

Music Therapy Works

L-space II : 10am - 11am (1.0 hour)

Music Therapy Works is on of the charities sponsored by the Music-With-Rocks-In festival. At this lecture, they will explain what they do to improve the lives of people of all ages who struggle with verbal communication.

Signing Session Stephen Briggs

Lower Broadway : 10am - 11am (1.0 hour)

You have just heard the expert, and we hope you have enjoyed it. Wouldn't it be nice to have his signature as well? This is your chance! After his lecture Stephen Briggs will be available for a signing session.

Klatch: Ian Stewart & Jack Cohen

Klatch : 10am - 11am (1.0 hour)

Liner notes - Annotating the Discworld

The Cavern Club : 11am - noon (1.0 hour)

If you've ever read a Pratchett book and gone: “I’m sure this is a joke or a reference to something, but to what?”, this programme item is for you. In the 90s, Terry's Internet fans annotated thousands of obvious, not-so-obvious, and downright obscure Roundworld references in his work. In this talk, we share some of the best examples, supported by Terry Pratchett's own comments from posts and emails. Feel free to bring your own questions and annotations!

Death on the Disc

Hide Park : 11am - noon (1.0 hour)

It has to be admitted that Death in traditional folktales isn't exactly the soothing presence we see so often on the Disc. The stories stress how hopeless it is to try to avoid or escape from him, since everybody, young or old, rich or poor, will be caught in the end. His looks are often distinctly gruesome. But at least he does dance.
Please join Jacqueline Simpson as talks about Death on the Disc.

Convention Charity Auction

L-space I : 11am - 1pm (2.0 hours)

Come and bid on our exclusive range of desirable Terry Pratchett related items. We have a range of lots from small fun items to some very rare and hopefully, for the Convention charities at least, expensive items. You will get a bidding paddle in your membership pack and we are able to take cash and credit cards. Payments must be made in the 90 minutes after the auction ends otherwise items will become forfeit and used in a future auction.

The Great Hedgehog Race: Crafting Time

L-space II : 11am - noon (1.0 hour)

You have been creative, you have been inventive. Your entire team has been brilliant. But have you been brilliant in the right direction. Are you solving the challenge, or are you just playing? Blert Wheedown could use only planks and fencing wire, but he might be the only one.
This is where our specialists will tell you if you are moving in the right direction.

Klatch: Emporium

Klatch : 11am - noon (1.0 hour)

Maths with Rocks in

The Cavern Club : noon - 1pm (1.0 hour)

Maths and music have been closely intertwined throughout history, from ancient Pythagoreans listening to blacksmiths banging anvils (if you believe the fable, which I don't) to not being able to hear the shape of a 16-dimensional drum.
Somewhere in the middle are beautiful links between the maths and physics of vibrating strings and membranes, waves, and human hearing.
Ian Stewart presents a talk (lots of pictures, no technical stuff) which will romp through some of the connections between maths and music. A Discworld slant will be put on proceedings wherever possible — and possibly even when not.

So, you want to run a convention

Hide Park : noon - 1pm (1.0 hour)

Everything you always wanted to know about the Discworld Convention but were afraid to ask. You are at this festival, and everything is moving smoothly (I sincerely hope). But how does it actually work? Who are these people calling themselves Concom? They look terribly busy at the Convention, they answer your emails, your requests, but do they still have lives? How do they select a hotel, how do they decide what goes on, and where? What happens behind the scenes? This is the time and place to find out.

Discworld Singalong

Sto Lat : noon - 1pm (1.0 hour)

The Discworld Convention has always been blessed with a surfeit of musicians, often to be found singing hearty songs about wildlife, buildings, social events - and gold.
Here's your chance to join them, to expand your repertoire and sing your hearts out!
It's raucous, it's enormous fun and audience participation is definitely encouraged.

Signing Session Jacqueline Simpson

Lower Broadway : noon - 12.30pm (0.5 hour)

You have just heard the expert, and we hope you have enjoyed it. Wouldn't it be nice to have her signature in one of her books as well? This is your chance! After her lecture, Jacqueline Simpson will be available for a signing session

Klatch: Stephen Briggs

Klatch : noon - 1pm (1.0 hour)

Story Archetypes

The Cavern Club : 1pm - 2pm (1.0 hour)

It was a dark and stormy night as the young man set out on his lonely quest...
Some things in fiction are archetypal and instantly recognisable as such; the eighth son, the lost heir; the million-to-one chance.
How can you use these while avoiding cliche? How can you fight them, subvert them or play with them?
Governed by Elias, our guest panel is joined by Eve Smith (a real-life academic expert on genres) to give you some pointers!"

Ray Friesen Talks Graphic Novels

Hide Park : 1pm - 2pm (1.0 hour)

Cartoonist Ray Friesen is working on an adaptation of Small Gods. In this lecture he will talk about the writing and drawing process, and how to draw a falling turtle without hurting them in the process.

Clacks Live Game Demostration

Sto Lat : 1pm - 2pm (1.0 hour)

Backspindle Games will demonstrate how to play their newest game, Clacks, for a live audience.

Charity Auction - Collection 1

L-space I : 1pm - 2pm (1.0 hour)

You actually did it. You bid on - and managed to win - an item in the Charity Auction, despite the fierce competition.
Here's where you get to collect your goodies, walk off with them, show them to your friends - and bask in their envy.
(Please ensure that you must physically collect them. Let's not have a repeat of the Unfortunate Coffin Incident of 2010.)

Juke Box Jury

L-space II : 1pm - 2pm (1.0 hour)

If you want a hit, you have to write a piece of music that takes up residence in your brain and stays there, despite your audiences' best efforts.
That's not what you're doing here.
What you're doing here is to take two songs and to make them into one harmonious (or cacophonous) whole, by combining the lyrics and melody and performing them to the audience.
Is it memorable? Can you say that people will still be humming it five minutes later?
If the audience can remember your song better than anyone else's, well, congratulations - you've got a hit on your hands!

Dance the Light Morris

Upper Broadway : 1pm - 2pm (1.0 hour)

As with all things there must be balance, so this session will be for junior members of the convention. Bring your dancing feet and learn the light morris (because children are lighter than adults).

Klatch: Jacqueline Simpson

Klatch : 1pm - 2pm (1.0 hour)

Drabble Competition

The Cavern Club : 2pm - 2.30pm (0.5 hour)

This year revives the old tradition of a Discworld Convention 'Drabble*' competition, and this is the culmination of it. Come and listen to the melodious voice of our award-winning narrator Stephen Briggs, as he reads the five finalist stories. After the reading, you can still cast your vote until voting closes on Sunday evening.
The winner will be announced at the Closing Ceremony.
*A story exactly 100 words long

Under the covers, with Discworld Emporium

Hide Park : 2pm - 3pm (1.0 hour)

Bernard and Ian speak about their adventures in the world of publishing with the man in the hat. From concept to cover, from pitch to publication, watch as two buffoons witter aimlessly about books & stuff.

Klatch: Narrativia

Sto Lat : 2pm - 3.30pm (1.5 hours)

Charity Auction - Collection 2

L-space I : 2pm - 3pm (1.0 hour)

You actually did it. You bid on - and managed to win - an item in the Charity Auction, despite the fierce competition.
Here's where you get to collect your goodies, walk off with them, show them to your friends - and bask in their envy.
(Please ensure that you must physically collect them. Let's not have a repeat of the Unfortunate Coffin Incident of 2010.)

Signing Ray Friesen

Lower Broadway : 2pm - 3pm (1.0 hour)

You have just heard the expert, and we hope you have enjoyed it. Wouldn't it be nice to have his signature in one of his books as well? This is your chance! After his lecture, Ray Friesen will be available for a signing session

Sator Square

Sator Square : 2pm - 6pm (4.0 hours)

Chaos Costuming

Chaos Costuming : 2pm - 6pm (4.0 hours)

Strangely Fascinating

The Cavern Club : 3pm - 4pm (1.0 hour)

Making a triumphant return for your stimulation and delectation, please welcome the astonishing spectacle that is Strangely Fascinating, (aka QI for Discworld) as Honoured Guests and Learned Pundits vie for supremacy in knowledge, sparkling wit and repartee in this beloved panel game. Our theme for this foray into the tantalisingly obscure and arcane is, of course, all about Music That Will Rock Your Discworld. As always, your urbane and erudite hosts are Messrs Harkin and Boote, who will entertain three towering intellects of renown, whose conversational skills in bamboozlement and rhetoric are guaranteed to amaze and delight.

Create your own Religion

Hide Park : 3pm - 4pm (1.0 hour)

The music with rocks in gods are many and they come in many forms. This is your chance to work together with your fellow fans to create a celestial band, add in some commandment track lists, invent a few rocking hymns and finally add in whatever wonderful craziness strikes us all!

Back to the Drawing Board

Sto Lat : 3pm - 4.30pm (1.5 hours)

Demonstration - Costume Armor Crafting

L-space I : 3pm - 4pm (1.0 hour)

This event is a demonstration of the making of copper costume armor including a chance to try your hand at making some bracers which you will be able to take away with you.
There is also a possibility for one or two lucky participants to become the proud owners of a copper breast plate (time permitting and a small contribution to cover costs of the materials).

Iconography chat

L-space II : 3pm - 4pm (1.0 hour)

To be provided by Pam

Signing Session Jack Cohen and Ian Stewart

Lower Broadway : 3pm - 3.30pm (0.5 hour)

You have just heard the experts, and we hope you have enjoyed it. Wouldn't it be nice to have their signatures in one of their books as well? This is your chance! After their lecture, Ian Stewart and Jack Cohen will be available for a signing session.

Klatch: Mark Oshiro

Klatch : 3pm - 4pm (1.0 hour)

How to Fix the Corset You Already Have

Chaos Costuming : 3pm - 4pm (1.0 hour)

Tired of not being able to lift your arms in a corset? Do the ladies appear to be upon a tray? Love the hourglass shape but not the bones flaring out and rubbing your underarms bare? Unhappy with the second spare set of hips? Modesty panel, anything but? Just not happy with that impulse buy?

Bring the corset you ALREADY HAVE to this workshop session.
Here Abigail Tyrrell, mad cat woman and avid lingerie designer, will help you reimagine (sorry sewing bee took over there for a second) alter and fix your fit issues.

Buckle and Swash

Hide Park : 4pm - 5.30pm (1.5 hours)

Who would win in a duel, between a banjo and a guitar? We don't know.
But in a duel is between a spear and an axe, or an epée and a sword? That is something we can put to the test, and find out. Peter will explain the pros and cons of various weapons, and his tame troupe of warriors will demonstrate their use. On each other.

Pratchett, Tolkien and Shakespeare

L-space I : 4pm - 5pm (1.0 hour)

Here, in the county of Warwickshire, it seems entirely fitting that we should celebrate Terry's admiration for two great Warwickshire authors, or maybe I should say Warwickshire's two greatest authors, William Shakespeare and J. R.R. Tolkien. Whether it's a discreet allusion or the basis for a whole novel, Terry's references to Tolkien and Shakespeare run through the Discworld saga to his final books.

Children’s Maskerade

L-space II : 4pm - 5pm (1.0 hour)

While the regular Maskerade is a great event and a highlight of the weekend, it can be somewhat intimidating to our younger Members - and it also has the disadvantage of being well past bedtime.
So the Children's Maskerade is being held at a more sensible time.
If you're aged 14 or under and want to take part, grab your costume, bring a parent and show off your skills!

Signing Session Rob Wilkins

Lower Broadway : 4pm - 5pm (1.0 hour)

You have just heard the expert, and we hope you have enjoyed it. Wouldn't it be nice to have his signature as well? This is your chance! After his talk Rob Wilkins will be available for a signing session.

Mark reads.... from his writing

Sto Lat : 4.30pm - 5.30pm (1.0 hour)

Mark reads, usually things for the first time while commenting on them.
However, this is your chance to place yourself somewhat in is position, and listen to something new. Mark will be reading a chapter (or more) from his new book. He might even comment on it.

The Hasty Exit

Sto Lat : 5.30pm - 6.30pm (1.0 hour)

There comes a point in every band's existence when they have to make a swift and unscheduled departure to escape creditors, hotel management, the local crime syndicate, senior religious figures or outraged parents.
This is that moment.
You must escape, with various important items of kit, before they catch up and do something truly unspeakable to you.

Signing session Mark Oshiro

Lower Broadway : 5.30pm - 6pm (0.5 hour)

You have just heard the expert, and we hope you have enjoyed it. Wouldn't it be nice to have his signature as well? This is your chance! After his Reading Mark Oshiro will be available for a signing session.

The Nannies: Red Carpet

Upper Broadway : 6.30pm - 7pm (0.5 hour)

Have you ever wanted to walk the red carpet at some swanky event, iconographs flashing, the paparazzi calling your name? Or, do you like looking at amazing costumes created and worn by your fellow Discworld fans. Ahead of this year's Gala Dinner, the Nannies, attendees are invited to process down the red carpet in Upper Broadway, and embrace their inner starlet. Say cheese!

The Nannies: Ramtops Musical Society Official Awards

The Cavern Club : 7pm - 10pm (3.0 hours)

The inaugural Ramtops Musical Society Official Awards, The Nannies will bring together the great and the good of the Music With Rocks In! world to celebrate all things Rocky!!! Marking the excesses and successes of the best performers from across the Disc, with awards, speeches, magic and sparkle! If you feel the Rocks within your soul, if you were born to rune: these are the Awards for you!
Please note that this event is for ticket-holders only.

Toast & Jam – We Do Things To Music

L-space I : 7pm - 1am (6.0 hours)

The Discworld Convention has some great musical talents. It also has some very enthusiastic performers. The T&J is where they come together to make sweet, sweet music!

Bring any instruments you have and any drinks that you can lay hands on - and prepare to sing yourself hoarse over the course of a hugely fun evening.

The Rolling Stones Gig

L-space II : 7pm - 11pm (4.0 hours)

What does moss never stick to? A rolling stone. And if you want to be moss-free come along to the Rolling Stones gig and join the fun. Try your hand at the Asphalt Challenge, Shuffle some Rocks, and, if you're feeling hard enough, see and feel how you fair in our interactive game of pinball. Fun and games for each and every jumpin' jack flash amongst you.

The Rolling Stones: Photo Op

Hide Park : 9pm - 11pm (2.0 hours)

If you enjoyed having your free souvenir iconograph with the band on Saturday, why not see where else the magic of green screen could take you? You can choose from a wide range of backgrounds to suit your attire. Simply pick the size of the print you wish to purchase and your completed picture will be posted out to you.

Singalong Doctor Horrible

Sto Lat : 10pm - 11pm (1.0 hour)

So you’ve always wondered what would happen if the Musicians, Alchemists and Thieves guild got together to plan evil doings.[1] Well now you can find out and sing-a-long with us in a nice tradition started by accident.[2] Do not worry if you don’t know the words[3] or cannot sing that well[4] just turn up for fun.

1 What do you mean you haven’t?
2 Continued under threat
3 They’ll be on screen
4 The good singers will drown you out

The Nannies: After Party

The Cavern Club : 11pm - 12.30am (1.5 hours)

Can you move like Jagger? Go crazy like Beyonce? Shake it off like Taylor? Are you a Tiny Dancer like Elton, or more about the Safety Dance? Come along to the After Party to end all After Parties and dance to to the live music of our band-with-rocks-in (and some bits of metal): PRION SON while strutting your funky stuff. Lets put the Disc into disco...

http://www.prionson.com


Monday

Ops Open

Ops : 8am - 5pm (9.0 hours)

The Mark Reads Discworld Project

Hide Park : 9am - 10am (1.0 hour)

We have all been there: Reading Discworld for the first time.
Mark has been doing exactly that, and made a project out of it (which includes missing half of the items at the convention to avoid spoilers. Now that is what I call dedication!). He will be interviewed by Diane Duane about the impact of this project.

Luggage Storage (post-checkout)

Sto Lat : 9am - 7pm (10.0 hours)

It's Monday, and you've checked out. Time to head back to normality.
But before you go, there are hundreds of people you will want to say goodbye to, and this will probably take a few hours.
The last thing you want to do is carry half a ton of luggage around with you while doing this. So we've a room set aside for you to store your luggage while saying your extended goodbyes.

Cosgrove Hall's Soul Music viewing: Parts 5&6

L-space I : 9am - 10am (1.0 hour)

Klatch: Ian Stewart & Jack Cohen

L-space II : 9am - 10am (1.0 hour)

Messing Around With Sound

Upper Broadway : 9am - 9.30am (0.5 hour)

Well Kids, Who wants to mess about with water? Or make loud noises? Or tie things to bits of string? You do?
Great! Tell your parents that you are attending a practical class on ‘The Science of Sound’ and come along and play. Learning may happen by osmosis, but balloons will definitely be involved.

Klatch: Rob Wilkins

Klatch : 9am - 10am (1.0 hour)

Sator Square

Sator Square : 9am - 1pm (4.0 hours)

Create Your Own ‘Band With Rocks In’ Instruments

Upper Broadway : 9.30am - 10am (0.5 hour)

It is said that Music is Everywhere. Kids you can prove this by using various innocuous-looking materials to create musical instruments. And then playing them as loudly as possible. Then you can take them home with you to serenade your family and friends.

A Storytelling Rhapsody

Hide Park : 10am - 11am (1.0 hour)

Please join Jacqueline Simpson as she draws from her nearly inexhaustible story repertoire.
You might get
local legends from Sussex, involving dragon slaying, devil-attacks and how the devil was foiled and possibly lost church -bells. There could be Scandiwegian ghost-stories from Roundworld. And if you are lucky, you'll get it all...

Klatch Rob Wilkins Kids Only

L-space I : 10am - 11am (1.0 hour)

How to not get stabbed

L-space II : 10am - 11am (1.0 hour)

We all know that the best way to not get stabbed is to have Susan Sto-Helit chasing away anyone who would even think of stabbing you. Because for most of us this is not an option we have invited commander Vimes to present a workshop on self defence against knife attacks.
Wear comfortable clothing that does not hinder your movement. (NO CORSETS!)
Please note that this is a physical workshop that requires good general heath and uses wooden knife substitutes. The Workshop can have max. 20 participants. Enrollment through the Signup-sheet in Ops.

Sign the Quilt

Upper Broadway : 10am - 1pm (3.0 hours)

Did you manage to not sign the quilt on your way in? Did our cunning gophers not grab you quickly enough to get your name up in lights? Now is your time to sign on the dotted line.. Oh wait, the script says "sign on the plain side"..."

Klatch: Emporium

Klatch : 10am - 11am (1.0 hour)

The Battle of the Bands

Hide Park : 11am - 1pm (2.0 hours)

This is the Great Wahoonie; the big festival - and your band *must* have top billing.
Unfortunately, a number of your competitors have the same idea.
Fortunately, you've got a Cunning Plan - sneaking in through the back door of the venue.
Unfortunately, it's not exactly the most subtle of Cunning Plans - so your competitors are doing the same thing.
More unfortunately, a typical Ankh-Morpork fog has descended, making it rather difficult to find the back door.
Did we also mention that the back door is located in the Shades?
Without your Gnome Position Shouter, you'd be in *real* trouble…

The art of cat herding: creative processes at the Discworld Emporium

L-space I : 11am - noon (1.0 hour)

Bernard and Reb give you a little insight into how the Emporium team design, print, sculpt, mould, cast, draw, paint and imagine some of the hundreds of pieces they've made over the years.

Klatch: Diane Duane & Peter Morwood

L-space II : 11am - noon (1.0 hour)

Klatch: Discworld.com

Klatch : 11am - noon (1.0 hour)

So you think you can do it better? (Feedback)

L-space I : noon - 1pm (1.0 hour)

At the Band with Rocks in festival, we strive to give you the best experience possible (and a certain CMOT Dibbler strives to empty your pockets). After 4 days, no doubt there were some things you thought were wonderful, and things that you think can use improvement. This is the moment to let us know. An hour where you have the full attention of the Chair and his many hench(wo-)men.

Build your own Stonehenge computer

L-space II : noon - 1pm (1.0 hour)

Kids come a show the adults how its done, build a Stonehenge computer! Then knock it down! And start again! That’s all there is to it, really.

Klatch: Stephen Briggs

Klatch : noon - 1pm (1.0 hour)

The Venerable Order of the Honeybee

Hide Park : 1pm - 2pm (1.0 hour)

Terry's last words to Rob were discovered in a poignant letter tucked away in the safe inside the Chapel, the office and writing room they shared for many years. Terry's instructions included a directive that a fine piece of jewellery be crafted for each of those whom he considered key to his life and works. So was born the Venerable Order of the Honey Bee. Rob carried out Terry's wishes to the letter, commissioning one of the UK's finest jewellers to oversee the production of a dozen intricate golden bees. Rob, the Grand Master of the Order, presented these unique pieces to the named recipients during Terry's memorial in April 2016.

Witches Abroad The Musical

The Cavern Club : 2.30pm - 4.30pm (2.0 hours)

Especially for the 2016 Convention we bring you the world premiere of Witches Abroad The Musical.
Join Granny, Nanny and Magrat as they discover foreign places and drinks with banananas in. Enjoy an exciting new adaptation with an abundance of pumpkins and songs in its first ever public performance!

Just a minute

Hide Park : 4.30pm - 5.30pm (1.0 hour)

With just four chords yet discovered, repetition can be hard to avoid. That alone makes Just A Minute a challenge for any rock band, but at least experience of eight-minute organ solos should make talking for 60 seconds a bit easier. With some bands better at lyrics than others, come along and see which one rhapsodises in Prague and who would be better off writing 1968 Eurovision winners.

Stephen reads…

L-space I : 4.30pm - 5.30pm (1.0 hour)

Probably Discworld, possibly his favourites.
If you like is Audio-books, then this is your chance of seeing him reading. If you don't like his audio books yet; come along to hear how a professional reader reads things...

The Great Hedgehog Race: Finale

L-space II : 4.30pm - 5.30pm (1.0 hour)

This is the moment of truth. This is what you did it for. This is the moment our specialists will judge if they think you have the right solution, and more importantly, if you have the best solution. Did you do better than your competitors? Are you, in fact, born to rune?

Klatch: Jacqueline Simpson

Klatch : 4.30pm - 5.30pm (1.0 hour)

Closing Ceremony

The Cavern Club : 5.30pm - 6.30pm (1.0 hour)

It’s the Final Countdown...to the official closing of the Festival. The last band to take to the stage
will announce the winners of the prizes! We hope you enjoyed the Festival and this is our
opportunity to say one final thanks to everyone who attended.

Dead Monkey Party Parade

Lower Broadway : 6.30pm - 7pm (0.5 hour)

As tradition demands, the 2016th Ankh-Morpork Trifles will be parading to the Dead Monkey Party. The Regiment is happy to welcome new recruits, especially those possessing any item of uniform, the arcane lyrics (in Dwarvish) to the Colonel Bogey march, or musical instruments suitable to accompany a marching party. A passing familiarity with moving drill is welcome but, by tradition, very far indeed from essential.

Dead Monkey Party

Upper Broadway : 7pm - midnight (5.0 hours)

You lived through the hard rock lifestyle. You didn't leave before they got famous. The era of rock has passed, the autotuner's been invented, and you're still standing. But the golden age of rock and roll ain't over 'til the Meatloaf sings, and for those who've made it through to Monday evening there's one last hurrah before that depressing return to real life. And remember: there's always time for one last Time Warp.