The Battle of the Bands!

Posted by Simon Fraser on 25 Jul 2016, 11:48 a.m.

(Or Guilds, or Sects)

Assembled multitudes and devotees of Rhythm!

We are positively buzzed to announce the Crew assignments for the 2016 Competition: The Battle Of The Bands

This year, there will be Five Bands With Rocks In vying for the top billing at the Battle; but only one Band can win; and - as in Roundworld - their success depends on their Crew.

So without further ado, here are the Bands - and their Kings, Queens and anthropomorphic personifications of the Road

The Crash

This is the modern Disc! - and Ankh-Morpork, the city of steam and iron, has a new sound coming up from the streets; a raw and blistering noise that takes no prisoners and stops for nobody. They are The Crash; born in a laundry, raised on the railways - and here to give a voice to the voiceless and a battle flag to the underdogs.

They look unlike anything you've ever seen before. Their sound will blow you away. This is Morpork calling. The time for Steamed Pvnc is now.

Deputies: Kirstine Heald and Rob 'Feyd' Grundy.



A blend of Llamedonian bardic tradition with Überwaldian death of metal (silver) era music . The band consists of druids, vampires (Black Ribboners only of course) and zombies. They’ve campaigned heavily for Undead Rights and have a good following among both the living and the differently alive. They welcome any and all beings into their crew and fan base so long as no one gets eaten. Their biggest hits include Dead from the Ankh Down, Ghosts of the Dysk and their instrumental piece featuring howls, screams and groans 'Eine Kleine Nachtrockmusik'.

Deputies: Siobhan 'Shivers' Greaney and Christopher 'Xrith' Boote.


The Guild of Funk and the JBs

Wherever the music is hot and the cats are cool, you'll find the Guild. Story has it they started out down towards Genua somewhere, with a horn section and a few others from the small surface dwarf carriage-building settlement of Oak Lantern. They originally came to prominence with blues and jazz from the Genuan bayou, but hit the big time with the influx of a horn section from the Carriage Town. This larger band debuted with the tight funk beat of the nostalgic dwarf anthem "I'll Still Be Diggin' in the Ground", followed by the horn-based "Duke Sir Captain".

Deputies: Andrew 'Torak' Perry and Jan 'Ssirienna' Uzzell



The first rule of Metallurgica is: Your Parents Must Hate Your Music.

Metallurgica are the hell-for-leather offspring of a bunch of dwarves and trolls who have decided to abandon their traditional enmity and gang up on the old farts of their respective societies instead.

Metallurgica represents an update of Music With Rocks In, pithily known as Music With Metal In. This is the music of choice for angsty teenagers (or teenager-equivalents) to bang their heads to while simultaneously annoying all parents, family members and neighbours in a 2-mile radius.

Ulrich Larsson, progenitor of, and spokesdwarf for, Music With Metal In has stated the following "Beer! Gold! More Beer!". Metallurgica bass player, Skarn, agrees; "Trolls have always been good with drums, and Music With Metal In means we can be good with other stuff, too."

Deputies: Sarah-Louise Forbes and Jamie Trace



'Do you hear it? Across the Disc, there’s a whisper in the wind and a bustle in the hedgerow, calling all of us to band together and make great music.

Ymuno! - the freewheeling and hugely creative result of a fusion of fiddles, fifes, frolicking and a hefty swig of scumble - is coming to the Great Wahoonie.

You’ll lose nights to the music. You’ll lose wits to the quaffing. You’ll have the time of your life. Celebrate with Ymuno!

Deputy: Jerry Elsmore


What now?

You will all have been provisionally assigned to one of the Crews.

We should stress, as always, that taking part in the Competition is strictly voluntary.

You are (probably) not going to be press-ganged by a wild group of rampaging roadies.

(If you are, please tell us and we'll put them to work in Tech.)

If you do not make contact with one of your Deputies, you will not be involved in the Competition. (Additionally, if you do get involved in the Competition but have to drop out, please do let your Deputies know so that they're not left wondering where you went!)

Should you not want to be in your assigned Crew, you will be able to change your Crew both before and at the Convention.

Here's how:

1.) Before the Convention.

Go to the Convention website ( and select 'The Convention' (it's near the top of the page on a black menu bar next to 'Membership'. This will open a second dark grey menu immediately below the first - and the second item on that menu is 'The Bands'.

Or you can go straight to - either will get you to the same destination.

You'll see a large red button saying 'What's my Crew?'.

If you click on that button, you will be invited to sign in (if you haven't done so already) - and once you're signed in, you'll be able to see your Membership name and number along with the name of the Crew that you have been preassigned to - along with a yellow button saying 'Edit'.

If - for whatever reason - you are not comfortable with your preassignment, you can select the Edit button and you will be presented with a pull-down menu listing the five Crews (and a 'none of the above' option for people who don't want to take part). Simply select the Crew of your choice and hit the 'Save and proceed->' button and your Crew change will be recorded, updating your Crew membership to one that suits your tastes more.

Naturally, your preferred Crew may depend upon which Crews your friends belong to; and you might want to check that before you make any choices. We can help you there, too - go to and you should be able to see a list of who is preassigned to which Crew.

So, to sum up:

(We should stress again that preassignments and so forth do not constitute any form of binding agreement. You will only take part in the Competition if you choose to do so and make yourselves known to the Deputies.)

And if you have any questions, or don't use Facebook, then you can email the Monks at and we'll do whatever we can!  

2.) At the Convention.

As in previous years, there will be an icebreaker event on the Friday where you will be able to meet the Deputies of the various Crews and pick the one you want to be a part of. So even if you don't manage to pick your preferred Crew before the Convention, it's not a problem.

A few brief words on the Competition itself...

As you may well know already, there will be a series of competitive events and similar games during the weekend which will be tied in with the Competition; the Crews that manage to perform well over the weekend stand a good chance of winning the final event; The Battle Of The Bands.

(Rewards for winning may or may not include: fabulous wealth, popular immortality, public adulation, the ability to walk on water and a general feeling of superiority.)

So get out there, for the show must go on!

The Music With Rocks In demands it!

As always, the Monks of Cool are ready to answer any questions you may have on the Competition, so if there's anything you need to know, drop us an email at and we'll do what we can to help.